Odi et Amo

"Ōdī et amō. Quārē id faciam fortasse requīris.
Nesciō, sed fierī sentiō et excrucior" 

"I hate and I love you. Why I do this, you may ask.
I do not know, but I feel it happening and I am tortured"

        This poem is known as Catullus 85 and it was written by Catullus for his lover whom he calls "Lesbia" in his poems.* This poem holds a special place in my heart, for a few reasons. One reason, is that it was the first Latin poem I was able to translate and understand completely by myself. More importantly than that, it is an extremely beautiful poem that, despite being roughly 2,000 years old is still as relevant today as it was when it was written down first. This poem shows although our religion, culture, and mores may be different, things like love and how it makes us feel are universal. Who can not relate to having conflicting feelings about a crush or lover? 

        

    This poem, is short, simple but profound. Interestingly, it begins with "Odi," or "I hate" which is, a weird way to start a poem dedicated to a women you supposedly love. I think he decided to start with "Odi" to emphasize his conflicted feelings towards Lesbia. Then he says "amo" or "I love" with the "you" being implied. He does this to show he does not just hate her because she spurned him, he also loves her. It shows the complexity of his emotions and how vexed he is. He hates and loves her.  

    Next he says "Why I do this, you may ask." Here I think he is asking himself just as much as he is asking Lesbia. We have all been in a situation where for whatever reason, it makes us ask ourselves "Why do I have feelings for her/him?" Much like Catullus, we often find ourselves not knowing how to answer that question, and we may even find ourselves tortured by our unrequited feelings.

   If someone were to ever ask me "Why should we study ancient languages?" I would read them this poem. This poem is the perfect poem. "Odi et Amo" is brief, forceful, witty, profound and shows the universality of the struggle to find love. Everyone from before Rome was ever founded, to today has struggled with the same things. At least when it comes to feelings and how humans interact with one another there truly is "nihil sub sole novum." Whatever you are experiencing now, whether it be struggles in your romantic, professional, personal or familial life, someone else has experienced it and has gotten through it, and so will you. 

*Interesting fun fact, him calling his lover “Lesbia” is him referencing Sapho, a Greek poet who was considered one of the greatest Greek poets of the ancient world. Sapho was from the island of Lesbos and wrote love poems to other Greek women and is where the term “lesbian” comes from. Even though she wrote love poems to other women, her sexuality was debated by ancient scholars and is still debated by scholars to this day.